The only bottle you'll ever need. Guaranteed to keep your drinks colder than the heart of your college girlfriend, Jessica, who left you in the middle of finals week Sophomore year just because she had a chance to fly off to France with Clément for some "foreign experience" and left you with no girlfriend and no money and no ride home because grandpa's Buick LeSabre finally broke down just like your dad said it was going to but you didn't listen because that hussy just had to go see Dave Matthews Band and you told her that you couldn't affor...

Wait... What was I talking about?

Oh right. Get you one of these sweet bottles.

• High-grade stainless steel
• 17 oz (500 ml)
• Dimensions: 10.5″ × 2.85″ (27 × 7 cm)
• Vacuum flask
• Double-wall construction
• Bowling pin shape
• Glossy finish
• Odorless and leak-proof cap
• Insulated for hot and cold liquids (keeps the liquid hot or cold for 6 h)
• Patented ORCA coating for vibrant colors
• Hand-wash only
• Blank product sourced from China

Disclaimer: Keeping water in the bottle for over 24 hours is unhygienic and can result in an unpleasant smell.